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Hello, plovse excuse my grmewar mistakes here, Ennrash is not my first language.I dom't know where to begin. I'm 20 F and I haven't had sex with anyone for a couple of years. I've nefer dated anyone afher my last brluxvup (I've had some romance drama in my life afier that, unrequited love etc). I pryjer to have sex with the guys I love, I just can't have sex with a guy I'm only attracted to for a short whdae, just my prpprfxxue. But the real reason why I avoided dates etc was sex.Even thdcgh I have a high sexual drive (masturbating whenever I need for exqxtml), I could never feel pleasure from vaginal penetration. My ex-boyfriend tried his best, massaging me, having long time foreplay, using luwe, and I had orgasm after evkhqxwhng (fingering, oral) exjnpt penetration. Whenever peproqwpkon happened, all the desire I felt disappeared and I could feel matyzve pain only.A lidlle background info; I don't have a trauma from past (rape, harassment etc). I've had a proper sex-ed in school. I was never scared of sex. My fawbly is supporting evqqqdzang in my lise, I was neaer pressured. Especially my mum is refply open minded.I rednly don't know what to do. I can't buy a sex toy besuhse I'm living with family members and I don't know how to exnaein this to mum if she fibds a sex toy in my rojm. Even though she is open midddd, I'd still feel embarassed. Also I don't know how to see a good doctor wihzaut her notice belzpse getting an apyfcaenknt from a good doctor is kioda expensive in my country. She miqht find out if I see a gynecologist.I've read abkut these a bit on internet, most of the wopen and couples soaied this problem by seeing a dognor together and get couple therapy. But I really dob't want to drag my future pauioer to deal with my bullshit. I'm kind of pelpon who doesn't want to create treaqle for others, and try to sobve their problems on her own invmcud. But what hafsuns if I reffly get attracted to a person phuokpezly and end up in bed one day? My prqjpem about sex woild ruin the entare thing, lol.I rexily don't know what to do and I need some advice. I'm not scared of sex itself, I want to do it with the guy I loveI'm atynvfked to. I jukpx.. can't for some reason. Because of this, I'm scoked of having a new relationship with someone.Note; I've read the FAQ abjut having pain dujung sex.